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Totally crossing a line.

Okay. I usually post blah-blah entries about life beyond writing but today I'm going to give myself over to the Dark Side of the Force.

My dad has been divorced for almost a year. This was his second marriage and it lasted 18 years; his marriage to my mom lasted for 11.

My Dad is awesome. Seriously. I couldn't love him any more than I do. When my mom decided to end their marriage my dad fought for us and won costudy. This was nearly unheard of in the 80s but, with our help, he managed to convince the Judge that he would be the better choice for his four kids. Mom had an issue I'll refer to here as "Crazy, Wacko Boyfriend".

I was ten then. I met my future step-mom a few months after my parents split. By the time the divorce was final, D and her one-year-old daughter had moved in. Wedding plans were underway. They were married the June after the the divorce was final.

Now, although I love my dad, I know the man has faults. He's a clean freak. No, not your casual clean freak but the kind that has minor hissy fits if his house actually looks like people might live there. ~gasp~

He also struggles with jealousy. Of course, given my mom's betrayal, I guess that's not surprising. However, even after 18 years of marriage to his second wife, he still felt it necessary to accuse his significant other of cheating on him. Living with this constant lack of trust must have been very trying; I know I'd want to beat the crap out of my husband if he went into jealous tirades over the simpliest things.

My step-mom was 15 years younger than my dad and, combined with his clean freak tendencies and his uncontrollable jealousy, the age difference began to take its toll. My dad is the type who loves to hang out at home and would be content to never socialize outside his family unit. Seriously. Bit of a hermit.

Step-mom, on the other hand, was a social butterfly and loved to party. She was good for Dad because she got him to come out of his shell and do things he would never just do for the sake of doing them. Unfortunately, when she started hanging out at the bar every weekend without my dad--he had no desire to go drinking and dancing--things went really sour. You could see where things were heading and when she left it really didn't come as a surprise.

Her actions during and after that timeframe did come as a surprise but this post isn't about her. It's about my dad.

So, Dad is suddenly single again. He's dating. Only he's not. He looked up a girl he knew from his childhood and discovered she was still single. He also found out if he would have given her any indication after his first divorce that he was interested in her, she might have been my step-mom instead of D.

Dear God, no.

This woman is a freaking nightmare! She's an alcoholic. I'm not saying that casually or just to be snide. She had one of those breathalizer units attached to her steering wheel when my dad first started dating her. She hides alchohol in the back of her toilet and anywhere else she can think to. Alcoholics Anonymous is a joke. She tells everyone she goes--and maybe she does--but then you'll see her walking out of the store with a case of beer. She never calls her support person when the urge strikes.

Now, if she were a nice drunk, I might be able to overlook this behavior. But she's not nice. She's a bitch. The first night I met her you could smell the liquor (it's not her breath so much as her skin). She opens her mouth and insults my brother. What the hell?

Okay. For dad's sake, because he really needed to be happy right then and seemed to like this woman, I pretended this didn't bother me and decided not to hold it against her. (Well, I've changed mind since then and am now holding a grudge...I'm a woman and entitled, damn it!)

Her next target became my little sister. Continually. My sister isn't in a position to do much about it because she needs to keep the peace with my dad. She's the one living him while temporarily separated from her husband. She can't afford to strike out on her own just yet and so she decided ignoring Nutty would be the best thing to do. Well, of course, Nutty complained to Dad about none of his kids giving her a chance.

She's nothing if not a trouble maker.

Well, I had heard some pretty nasty rumors about this woman that I kept to myself for a long time. Then I had someone give me details that went beyond "I've heard...". This person knew people involved. Gave me names. I waited to tell my Dad about this latest tidbit until he had broken up with Nutty--a weekly occurance because he hates it when she drinks, which is all the freaking time. So I told him (he's my Dad and I think he deserves to know).

Of course, Dad is so afraid of being alone, he'd rather put up with drunken rudeness and so much more than risk staying single. So they get back together and he told her what I've heard, which of course she denies.

Trust me on this...it's true.

But my Dad is a sap and he thinks everyone's picking on poor Nutty. So they hook back up. Break up. Hook up. Break up. Hook up. Get the picture?

Well, I know it's only a matter of time before this woman turns her claws in my direction. And you know what? I'm eager. I've had it with her and I'm tired of being civil just for the sake of keeping the peace.

She tried starting shit with my sister-in-law over the weekend. My SIL did the mature thing and walked away. She did tell my brother, who in return said some very rude things not four feet from where my dad stood. He didn't use his quiet voice either so we know Dad and Nutty heard him.

My brothers hate this woman. My sister hates this woman. My aunts and uncles hate her. No one thinks she's good enough for my dad. My husband thinks she a cancer that's destroying my dad's life. I think she's a freaking nightmare.

And now let me say thank you for reading this insane rant.

Comments

  1. Anonymous6:38 PM

    You're welcome.

    {huggg}

    It all comes down to it being your dad's decision. You don't have to like her, live with her, or sleep with her. He does.

    You also don't have to bend over and let her rip you up, either.

    {huggg}

    I'd recommend doing like your SIL. Just walk away. Water off a duck's back and all that jazz. Easier said than done, true, but probably the best thing to do.

    {huggg}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just reread that post and realized I left out a number of words. I do the same thing when I'm writing...that's why proofing is so important!

    Glad you seemed to be able to make heads-n-tails of it. And thanks for all the hugs.

    The truth is I'm tired of being the mature one in the family. My role is typically that of the peace-keeper but my peace-keeping tendencies have been strained by this woman's manipulations.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Be strong, Jedi.

    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Goodness.

    It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your dad. Not about her, but him. There are much worse things than being alone.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been struggling through a similar situation (only without the alcohol). (((hugs))) It's rough. Just don't let yourself get hammered in the middle. Play Switzerland as much as possible. I tried to talk through things with my Mom (now remarried) and almost had to testify in court against my Dad. Not a good situation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hugs! So sorry to hear about the nasty girlfriend. Your dad must be really lonely to put up with her.

    Maybe if you arranged for him to meet someone else?

    Good luck!

    Oh and I don't see italics anywhere.

    M

    ReplyDelete
  7. I had another, psychobabble-ish, thought.

    Do you think he's putting up with her b/c he gets all the control?He's a better catch than her, so she probably won't leave him like his last two wives. Plus he knows going in he'll be disappointed, no tension or anxiety about it.

    Also, perhaps he feels so low, having been cheated on by women he loved, that this is all he thinks he deserves?

    In which case, I wonder if you should stand up to her a little bit. Don't fight his decisions, but don't accept them either--sort of walk between the two. Let him see you value him and think he should be treated with respect and maybe he will start to value himself?

    The whole thing strikes me as a rebound and perhaps a living metaphor for his emotional wounds.

    I don't know. Just a thought.

    My heart goes out to him and you.

    Another hug
    M

    ReplyDelete

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