Today's Quote: On Failure

Our society places a great deal of emphasis on success.  We are told in so many different ways that our value as a person is in may ways dependent upon our successes.  Failure, on the other hand, is a shameful act that highlights our ineptitude and diminishes us.

Failure is shameful.

To fail is to feel shame.

This programming begins early.  I would dare say it begins before we even start attending school.  Parents compare notes, measuring their children's milestones against siblings, cousins, and peers.  Oh, your two year old daughter still isn't potty trained?  Mine's being using the big potty since she was 1 1/2.  This type of comparison puts the pressure on parent and child alike, and failure to perform to whatever arbitrary standard results in feelings of frustration and shame.  Why can't little Suzie just go to the potty like her little friend?  Is it Suzie's failure or mine?, the mother wonders. What's wrong with Suzie?  What's wrong with me?

These instances play out a thousand times over but they become even more pronounced as we enter school.  Letter grades become a permanent record of successes and failures, ultimately categorizing students into academic tiers.  Those are the smart kids, those are not.  I think there's something important to consider when contemplating the effect of letter grades on a developing psyche.

From an article in NEA, Alfie Kohn says, "The research quite clearly shows that kids who are graded - and have been encouraged to try to improve their grades - tend to lose interest in the learning itself, avoid challenging tasks whenever possible (in order to maximize the chance of getting an A), and think less deeply than kids who aren't graded.  The problem isn't with how we grade, nor is it limited to students who do especially well or poorly in school, it's inherent to grading."

I think one of the most insightful things Kohn says there is about how kids avoid challenging tasks whenever possible.  Why?  Because the kids fear to fail.  It's as simple and as complex as that.  Fear inhibits them and makes them risk-adverse.

This reality pains me, not because I am immune to the stigma of failure but because I know there's value in trying something even I may not get the results I want.  One of the biggest benefits of failure is in what we learn.   

Let me say that again: one of the biggest benefits of failure is in what we learn. 

So you tried something and didn't work.  Why not?  What went wrong?  Can you do anything to change the outcome should you try again?  If we approached our failures with a more positive attitude, would we succeed more often?

I would like to think so, but sometimes I'm too afraid of failure to find out.