October 29, 2014

NaNo 2014

Once again, I am participating in NaNoWriMo.  I know it's probably bad form to admit this, but I don't expect I'll win.  I'm already struggling to find a balance between work, teaching, and home life. Adding in a 1,667 word count expectation every day borders on masochism.

But I want to be a writer and writers write.  

Other writers are busy.  They have families, jobs, and random obligations that threaten to derail their writing.  The difference between those who regularly produce words and those who don't is that those who produce refuse to put the writing aside.  They make it work.  Somehow. 

So, that's my plan.  I'm going to make this work.  Somehow.  

September 25, 2014

Summer Recap

Hello, world!  Terrible blogger here!  It's been awhile, but I'm in the mood to share, so I thought I'd put together a little recap of our summer adventures.

We started camping in late spring and didn't stop until Labor Day weekend.  I'd love one last trip, but I'm not sure that will be possible with Gage's football and my teaching schedule.

I also was lucky enough to be sent out to California for training.  Even better?  My mom decided to make a six-hour one-way drive to come spend some time with me while I was "nearby".  We went to Disney and the San Diego Zoo.  It was great mother-daughter time.

In the middle of all this camping fun, but after my trip to California, we also managed to squeeze in a concert.  This year's headliners were KISS and Def Leppard.  In order to avoid the need for a designated driver (or three), we decided to rent a party bus.  The trip down was fine; the trip home was not so great.  We ended up with two stranded groups on our bus because their limos/party buses were red tagged by the DOT and, being tagged, could not give their paying customers a ride home.  Our group, being the awesome people we are, said "sure, we'll give them a lift."  Boy, was that a mistake!  We had a drunken crazy woman on the ride that put many of us on edge.

On the bright side, Def Leppard was as amazing as they always are.  I only got to hear about three KISS songs before I had to go searching for my husband in the parking lot.

What else?  Oh, Ken and I had an adult's only trip.  We spent the weekend on Troy and Ronnie's boat. There may have been a party involved.  A really big party.

May 2, 2014

Reading Habits

So, I was totally inspired by this post, and as a result I decided to write up my own reading rules or habits. As Jeanette mentions, these reading rules really do seem to reveal a little something about my personality as well as my habits.

Habit #1: 
If I love the book and have to have a copy on my keeper shelf, I will not loan it out to just anyone.  This was not always the case.  I used to loan out books all the time.  This changed, though, when the books I loaned out failed to make their way back to me, leaving me no choice but to purchase the book again.  

Habit #2: 
If I loan someone a book, I try to be very clear about whether or not I want it back.  If I say I don't, I don't. However, this also means I think the book was less than worthy of my keeper shelf.  

Habit #3:
I tend to read multiple books at a time.  For instance, at this moment in time, I am in the middle of four books.  It's ridiculous, but true.  
  1. A paperback copy of Hood by Stephen Lawhead.  This book is "safe" for bathtub time. If it falls in the water by accident, I'm only out a few dollars, not hundreds. 
  2. The Madwoman in the Attic: The Woman Writer and the Nineteenth-Century Literary Imagination, which is in e-book format and easily highlighted and notated.  The Kindle (and it's iPad app) stores these highlights and notes online for me for easy reference. 
  3. Wish Upon a Tiger by A.T. Mitchell.  This is another e-book.  I've been reading it mostly at night, right before bed.   It's a bubble gum read that doesn't require much brain power, which is exactly what I need right before drifting off to sleep.
  4. The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I've been reading this book with a fellow writer.  It's meant to get our creativity flowing, but I must admit we're both beginning to struggle with the text. 
Habit #4:
Different settings require different reading formats.  

If I'm taking a bath, I grab a paperback or, less frequently, a hardcover.  I have this nifty little reading tray that I can take into the bath with me to help support the awkward weight of a hardcover, a snack, and a glass of wine.

If I'm reading in bed, I always pick up the Kindle.  The built-in light sources can't be beat.  Not even a bedside lamp or a reading light can come close to offering the same reading experience.  

I always have my e-books with me.  This means I can read anywhere and at any time.  

Habit #5:
Reading for pleasure differs from reading for literary analysis and here's how.  When I read for pleasure, I don't highlight or write in margins.  I simply read.   However, when I approach a text with a more academic focus, I highlight and leave marginalia in my wake.  I also use Post-It notes and/or tabs, usually color coded to a specific literary element. 

Habit #6:
If I highlight or mark up a book, I don't resell them or lend them out.  I know many readers are maddened by such behavior, so I keep those books to myself. 

Habit #7:
I always prefer to read the book before I watch a movie and television adaptation.  This tendency often leaves me feeling a little saddened by everything the movie failed to do, but I find it also helps to fill in the many blanks that films, by their very nature, create.   One of the most obvious examples of this is the Game of Thrones series on HBO.  I think the show is great.  However, I often feel like the non-readers who watch it are missing out on so many small, but significant details. 

Sometimes, though, I know before I even watch a movie or television program, that the book cannot be done justice.  In those instances, I try really hard to let go of my criticisms and simply enjoy the visual spectacle in front of me for what it is: passive entertainment.

March 30, 2014

The Gifts of Imperfection - A Reader's Response

I recently finished BrenĂ© Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.  I was drawn to the book because of these two Ted Talks. Go ahead and watch them.  I'll wait.

I've watched those two videos multiple times. I find Brene a charming and authentic storyteller.  As her talk moves from the academic to the personal, as she lets the audience into the vulnerable areas of her life, I am amazed at her courage.  I don't think I could stand in front of an auditorium full of strangers and admit I had a breakdown spiritual awakening.  Fear of being judged, of being vulnerable to attack, would prevent me from admitting such a personal weakness.  Yet, Brene does so with humor and grace. She appears powerful, not weak.  Her time on stage is riveting because her revelation brings with it keen insights into the human condition.

Her talks left me wanting to know more about the power of vulnerability, fear, shame, and guilt.  The reason isn't hard to figure out: I am human and I suffer from all these afflictions.  I fear vulnerability.  I feel guilt.  I struggle with shame.  Finding ways to recognize these patterns of behavior or emotional responses seemed to offer some hope of gaining control over them.  At least, that's what I hoped Brene's book would say.  And it did.  It also told me the dragons of fear, shame, and guilt  are immortal and cannot be slain, only bannished to the borderlands.  Again and again.  After all, if a vulnerability expert with years of research in her toolkit was still vulnerable to their attacks, how could I or anyone else expect to be otherwise?  

As I read the book, I liberally highlighted passages that resonated with me. I found myself - and so many others that I recognized - lurking in those pages.  There were moments when I wanted to pick up the phone and read a passage to my cousin, to my sister, to my husband.  I wanted to share my Kindle highlights - I still do - but Amazon hasn't quite gotten that feature rolled out yet, so I'm left with this blog post and the quotes that have been added to Goodreads.  

One of the sections of the book that really struck me has a lot to do with this quote: 

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” 

I like to think I'm a fairly positive and upbeat person, but I have dark moments, too.  I struggle with anger and hurt and pain. I am sometimes easily frustrated and quick to anger.  I rage.  I curse and cuss, I think bad thoughts, and indulge in unkind thoughts.  My heart has been broken and walls have been erected to help numb the pain. 

It's a normal reaction, this tendency to numb.  Yet, it can be detrimental.  Here's a longer passage from the book that addresses this very thing. 

For many of us, our first response to vulnerability and pain of these sharp points is not to lean into the discomfort and feel our way through but rather to make it go away. We do that by numbing and taking the edge off the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief. We can anesthetize with a whole bunch of stuff, including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, staying busy, affairs, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, and the Internet.

That list of numbing agents got me thinking.  I will admit that I sometimes use alcohol as a means of "taking off the edge".  If I've had a rough day at work, I look forward to putting my feet up and sipping on a glass or two of wine.  What do I do, though, if I'm still at work when the need to take the edge off appears?  I eat.  I seek out caffeine. I check Facebook or search Amazon for free books that I'll likely never have the time to read. Sometimes my favorite numbing agents are books.  Sometimes, though, a book seems like too much effort and I need something even less challenging: television. 

This list of items made me think of the other people in my life.  I know a couple of people who can't stand being idle; they need to keep moving, to do something.  I know others who treat their personal discomforts with routine shopping.  I may even know a few perfectionists.  I won't presume to guess what underlying issue drives each person, but as I read through this list and saw the ways in which we numb ourselves, I wanted to show each of these people this book and tell them there is a high probability that what they assume is a simple personality trait may be a means of coping with whatever negative influence is at work in their lives. 

I guess that desire is the reason for this post.  There are a lot of interesting observations and insights in Brene's work, and I think they're worth sharing.